


Because You're my Best Friends

by nakkacchii



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, F/M, Fluff, Iwaizumi Hajime - Freeform, Modern AU, Oikawa Toruu - Freeform, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 23:08:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8916667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nakkacchii/pseuds/nakkacchii
Summary: Iwaizumi’s mind was boggled. He had too many thoughts to say either of them. I am in love with you, for almost my whole life I’ve been in love with you. I promise you, I had a good reason for disappearing. I never wanted to hurt you, I didn’t want to break your heart. Please, don’t leave me alone. Please, don’t hate me. Please, understand. No matter how many times Iwaizumi thought what he was going to say would be good enough, he hesitated. He finally looked at your crying eyes, but why were his eyes in so much pain? They seemed more broken than after Seijou’s last loss against Shiratorizowa. You watch his mouth move, opening and closing, but nothing voicing. Iwaizumi palmed his forehead slowly, his breath hissing through his teeth. It was starting to become difficult to stand, Iwaizumi just wanted to sit down. He just wanted everything to be okay. You, him, and Oikawa.“Fucking Shittykawa. That fucking idiot is my best friend. And I slept with the girl he’s in love with,” Iwaizumi responded quietly. He didn’t say anything as your eyes widened.





	1. The Unspoken Rule

**Author's Note:**

> This is the ninth chapter to my Iwaizumi x Reader x Oikawa fanfic I started on my Tumblr account! If you want the other chapters (which you'll need, of course, if you have never read the other chapters hehehe) here is the link to the last chapter and all the other chapters!
> 
>  
> 
> [Iwaizumi x Reader x Oikawa Chapters 1-8](https://sportanimefantasies.tumblr.com/post/148394737897/i-just-binged-your-iwaizumi-x-oikawa-x-reader-fic)
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you enjoy my baby!

It was the day of Seijou versing Shiratorizowa, the day after Oikawa had played against Kageyama in an official game. Seijou versing Karasuno was an amazing game. But even they couldn’t make you doubt your best friends skills. You would always find them amazing, and volleyball was no exception. Together, Oikawa and Iwaizumi were unbeatable. With a team like Seijou? Losing seemed impossible. You always had the best hopes for your best friends.

And yet, you three sat in your kitchen, preparing the soup for them. Every now and then you would sneak back at your two best friends. Iwaizumi would grunt away Oikawa’s dumb remarks, and Oikawa would continue to banter Iwaizumi for anything. But you could see their true emotions. Especially in their eyes. The redness in their eyes after they loss was a big reveal. Whenever either of them tried to hide their emotions, together they could fool anyone. Especially Oikawa. Iwaizumi wasn’t one for hiding his emotions as well as Oikawa. But when they both didn’t want to show you they felt weak, it was amazing what a show they could put on.

If you weren’t their best friend since childhood, maybe they could fool you.

“Alright, eat up,” you announced, placing three bowls of the soup on the table.

Once the duo had their bowl placed in front of them, their faces scowled to the display. It looked like regular chicken noodle soup. Yet their faces scrunched up in disgust.

“Uh, ____-chan, I think-”

“____, why does the soup smell like that?”

You scoffed to each of their statements. “Hey, assholes. If you want food, then you can go order pizza. I didn’t have to cook.”

“No, no, it’s okay!” Iwaizumi and Oikawa both responded, shaking their heads and waving their hands like bobble heads. If there’s one thing you’ve learned about these two is they never like to make you mad.

It was hard to hold back a disappointed sigh. “Look, if you don’t want to eat it, don’t. I just wanted to cheer you guys up.”

The two frowned to see your disappointment as they watched you eat the soup. Looking to one another with a shrug, they began eating the soup.

 

“____-chan, it’s good, I just-Uh, my stomach isn’t feeling good since the match,” Oikawa smiles with a nervous smile. Just then Oikawa held his mouth and stomach, belching.

“T-Toruu! Oh my gosh, just throw it away!” you stuttered as Oikawa inhaled deeply.

Oikawa turned to you with a smile. “I’m good! The soup’s good!”

“H-Hajime, tell him to stop-Hajime?!” you flinched to see Iwaizumi doing the same as Oikawa. He turned to you slowly a bit paler than before.

“Uh, ____, yeah. What Shittykawa said,” Iwaizumi coughed.

“You guys are impossible!” you groaned. You removed all three plates from the table and tossed the poisonous soup into the garbage. You sighed to see the two sigh with relief. “Yeah, yeah. Remind me next time to just buy flowers for you guys when I wanna cheer you two up.”

“Or Auntie can just cook for us next time,” Iwaizumi whispered over to Oikawa. At the sound of your scowl, the two sat straight.

“Speaking of your mom, where’s your parents, ____-chan?” Oikawa asked curiously.

“Oh, my parents are at a wedding for the whole weekend. They should be coming back Monday night,” you replied.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi watched you clean the dishes quietly. The two were too enveloped in their thoughts they didn’t wonder what the other was thinking. It was nice just to picture themselves waking up to this every morning. Both Oikawa and Iwaizumi had thought this since junior high. Obviously too young to think about marriage but old enough to daydream nicely. Even in times of struggle, like after the loss of Shiratorizowa, you were always one solution of happiness for both Iwaizumi and Oikawa.

“You guys are quiet,” you noted as you walked past them. You nodded over to the couch. The two followed as you sat in the middle cushion, turning on the tv. As Iwaizumi and Oikawa took a seat next to you, you looked to both of them. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Nope,” it was expected to hear them say it simultaneously.

They didn’t have to look at you for you to know they were letting their emotions spill. No matter how much Oikawa smiled, you could see the lies in the lines he forced. Iwaizumi decided to force his pout deeper than usual. As if you could believe their acts.

You held your hands up innocently. “Alright, alright. Just know I’m here for you.”

“Just don’t cook for us,” Iwaizumi snickered. As you punched him lightly, all three of you laughed together.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

“Me?” Oikawa winced to have the spotlight on him now. “Why just me?”

Iwaizumi and you frowned simultaneously. People outside your relationship could even tell all three of you have spent a lot of time together to act the same exactly the same time.

“What?!” Oikawa exclaimed.

“You know exactly why we’re giving you this look, Toruu.”

“You’re such a pain in the ass,” Iwaizumi huffed. He grasped the controller from your hand to switch channels as you continued to stare at Oikawa. “You know ____ is going to tickle you if you don’t spill now.”

“He’s right,” Oikawa yelped to your agreement. Seeing you wiggle your fingers, Oikawa trembled.

“She does it out of love, apparently,” Iwaizumi shrugged.

Just as you tickled Oikawa for a second, his one second shriek was enough for him to give in. “Alright, alright! No! Stop!”

“So, are you okay?” you asked with a widening smirk. It was like you were sitting like a cat, smiling with such pride. It made Oikawa pout. He was always such a brat. You had to give Oikawa the attention he didn’t ask for, hold him when he never said to, and would play off his emotions. But he was still your best friend, and you loved him. Feeling a bit guilty for pushing him, you leaned against his shoulder, watching the tv. You just missed the way Oikawa would look down at you with pink cheeks then to Iwaizumi, shocked. He didn’t bother to look. After all these years, Iwaizumi learned best to not mind things he knew he wouldn’t like to see. “Don’t be such a brat. But you don’t have to talk about it now.”

Oikawa couldn’t help to lean against you as well. He was in love with you, and he was selfish with you. Whenever he got the opportunity, he would take it. Even if Iwaizumi was in the same room. Along the lines, Oikawa learned as well that if you don’t see what you don’t like it won’t hurt as much. And he definitely didn’t want to see if Iwaizumi was looking at the two of you.

“Seijou’s a good team. We clean up what needs to be polished, we stay motivated in times where it looks bad. We’re a good team,” Oikawa said. His voice was low, just the mild noise of the tv couldn’t even cover his voice. “We did what we all could.”

“I know. So stop blaming yourself for the loss,” you replied bluntly. Oikawa couldn’t help but look at you and Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi smiled with a huff, neither you nor him looking to Oikawa. “You really think we wouldn’t know what you’d be thinking?” Iwaizumi met Oikawa’s eyes. “You’re a good captain. Don’t let Ushiwaka get to your head. We’ll get him next time.”

You shifted sides, leaning on Iwaizumi now. You smiled widely at Oikawa, in agreement to Iwaizumi’s statement. Usually it would pain Oikawa to see you lean on Iwaizumi so casually. It felt like whenever you did it to him it was just because. But he couldn’t be saddened by it now. Not when his two best friends were there for him in his darkest times.

 

“Toruu, you don’t want to hang out with us more? We don’t have school tomorrow,” you asked as you and Iwaizumi stood at the door, watching Oikawa put his shoes on.

“I’m tired, ____-chan. With the match today and my dearest just tried to kill me with some killer food she cooked,” Oikawa replied with a hand on his chest. He was so over dramatic. But it didn’t stop you from lightly punching him with a laugh. It was nice to hear the two of them laugh after today. You would always prefer their laughters over anything. “Wanna head home with me, Iwa-chan?”

“Nah, I’ll help ____ clean up. And cook her food, in case she starves.”

“Hey! I can cook!”

“She’s right, Iwa-chan. Only her stomach can handle her cooking.”

“I’m going to kick both your asses,” you growled as the two snickered.

“Well, see you guys later then,” Oikawa waved.

“Toruu,” you called out. Oikawa tilted his head surprised, but it went away once you threw your arms over his shoulder. He was so tall your feet didn't even touch the ground whenever you did this. “You’re still my favorite captain.”

“Yeah,” Oikawa smiled as he wrapped his arms around you. It got tighter as the match came to mind, Oikawa had to hide his face into the crook of your neck. He was trembling a bit, you could feel it with each second that passed. “Thank you, ____.”

And Oikawa was out.

No matter, win or loss, you always did that to Oikawa. It started back in junior high, when Oikawa first became captain. He truly deserved it. There was no love greater than the one he felt for volleyball. He worked so hard it would end him up in the hospital. Volleyball made you worry about Oikawa a lot, but in the end, it was inevitable to try and stop supporting him. Oikawa playing volleyball would best be described as another wonder of the world. He was graceful and destructive at the same time. It made Oikawa the best captain he could be, thus your favorite. It soon became a ritual between you two, even when he wasn't captain in high school. But you knew. Oikawa would eventually become captain. He’ll always be your favorite captain.

Iwaizumi and you made your way to the kitchen, well Iwaizumi did. He was confused to see you jump onto the couch. When neither of you moved, you looked back at him and rolled your eyes. “C’mon, Hajime. I can clean later. It’s just a pot and some cutting stuff.”

“You might as well do it now,” Iwaizumi voiced, already putting the pot and cutting board into the sink. He began washing the knife, getting lost in the sound of the water.

The water didn't calm him like it did for everyone else. It just reminded him of the roars of the crowd for Shiratorizowa’s win. As he wiped the sud covered sponge over the knife, he caught his eyes in its reflection. It just reminded Iwaizumi of how he looked in the bathroom mirror at the gymnasium where his team and he lost. Hours after the game and Iwaizumi could still feel the regret in his palms.

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened to feel your skin arms find their fit around him. He hadn't even noticed he was staring his hand for whoever knows how long. You leaned against his broad back, your arms bringing your bodies close together.

“I'm fine,” Iwaizumi replied, washing the dishes again. Sometimes he wondered why he even bothered hiding his true emotions from you. Iwaizumi learned you would just get it out of him, one way or another.

But Iwaizumi was surprised to not hear a response. It could only mean your response will definitely get something out of him. You were just taking your time to find something that’ll make Iwaizumi start spilling his emotions.

“You’re such a mom,” you laughed. Maybe you weren’t thinking of something to get Iwaizumi to confess how he felt. That only made him laugh half-heartedly. “You’re always taking care of the team, Oikawa, and me. But you’ll never let show when you're hurting.”

 _Ah, there it is._ Iwaizumi could feel your forehead against his back now, placed so softly. You knew he would definitely give in doing that, especially after those words. Iwaizumi knew you didn't have to do much to get the truth out of him. It was you. You made him weak. You made his heart hurt. You made his life more alive.

Iwaizumi finished the dishes and turned, you still wrapping your arms around his waist. You looked up to him, waiting. He could only smile a bit. Iwaizumi would always want this, but he knew he couldn't cross that line. His big calloused hands rubbed your head and he walked over to the couch. It wasn't long until you followed behind and sat down with a pout.

“So?” you asked, bringing your legs over Iwaizumi’s. It wasn’t out the norm, Iwaizumi was used to this. He just didn't think you would lean your head on his arm that rested on the back of the couch.

Iwaizumi wasn’t right in the head, he would take you into his arms just to make himself feel even a little better. The heartbreak he felt because of the loss and the warmth you gave him caused a war in him. He just wanted one side to win already so he didn't have to feel so… Overwhelmed.

“He knows you're just trying to help, but… It's our last year. It’s… It’s hard,” Iwaizumi sighed, bringing his head back against the couch.

It was a surprise to see how tired Iwaizumi looked. Or it was a surprise how long it took you to notice. As Iwaizumi dwelled in his thoughts, you looked carefully at his swollen eyes, the redness underneath. Oikawa had the same look. No matter how much they rubbed at it, no matter how much they would wash away the looks, it didn’t take away the pain they're trying so hard to endure. You wish you could take it away from the both of them.

Iwaizumi looked to you shocked to feel you cupping his cheek. “You guys are good enough. Don’t let this idiot, Ushiwaka guy, get you down. Toruu and you, your volleyball is different. Seijou is going to beat Shiratorizowa and go to Nationals. Okay?”

It took Iwaizumi a second to reply. “Yeah,” Iwaizumi chuckled, bringing his head back onto the couch. “You’re right.”

He wasn’t completely better. His eyes never left you, nor did your hand. A smile emerged from both your faces as you stayed there just a bit longer. But even then, you could tell Iwaizumi still fought within himself, blaming himself more than anyone. It was like he carried all of Seijou’s heartbreak, disappointment, and regret. Him and Oikawa. Vice Captain and Captain, hiding their emotions for the better of the team. You just wanted their pain to end and watch them win. Because you knew they deserved it best. Every game, you watched from the sidelines. It was what you did best because it was all you could do.  


You did your best to be your best friends’ support, win or loss.

 

“Alright, I’m off,” Iwaizumi said as he’s putting on his shoes. Just about an hour ago, Oikawa stood there, with the same forced look. Except Iwaizumi was the only one to notice your pout. Maybe Oikawa did also, but Iwaizumi was the only one to say anything. “What’s bothering you?”

You wanted to find the best words to support Iwaizumi. But you always came short. Still, you settled for what seemed best. “Just because it’s your last year doesn’t mean you don’t have a chance.”

“I know,” Iwaizumi replies with a dry laugh. He smiles at you, so forced. It’s so much nicer than the usual smile Iwaizumi gives you. If you had to choose, you would rather have the other. At least Iwaizumi was being true to his feelings with you. “It just hits harder when it’s your last year. Gets to you kinda, I guess.”

That smile just pissed you off. Not only did he force his feelings with you, it was like Iwaizumi looked at you like a little sister. You hated that.

With a sigh, you took Iwaizumi’s face in your hands. Just standing on two steps above Iwaizumi in the doorway made him taller. But it was easier to grab onto his face. You rubbed your thumb against his cheek, feeling him lean into your touch. It brought a smile onto your face. Even Iwaizumi could seem like a baby. He forced away his disgruntled look with a smile. Except his lips quivered, frustrated. Iwaizumi’s lean deepened as he cupped his hand over yours, a small laugh leaving his mouth. You smiled a bit more, trying to make the situation seem lighter. Anything, just anything to make him feel better. Slowly you brought Iwaizumi’s forehead to your lips. Your lips lingered against his skin, so warm. Your lips were so soft.

It wasn’t the first kiss you’d given Iwaizumi. He’s had plenty of kisses on his cheek from you. Hello kisses. Good luck kisses. Thank you kisses. All those times, Iwaizumi’s heart flutter from embarrassment. Or so he told himself. But he hadn’t admitted aloud that the kisses made his heart flutter because… It’s you. You were enough to make Iwaizumi weak in the knees and find it hard to breathe with just the sight of you. And those kisses on the cheeks weren’t enough. They were “I love you” kisses. But… They weren’t “I’m in love with you” kisses. And oh, how much did Iwaizumi want that kiss now. Iwaizumi just needed that to lift him up. But even if it wasn’t, it still was one of the best kisses he’s gotten from you. It brought you the smile you waited for.

“This would have been better than your food,” Iwaizumi huffed a laugh.

You dropped your hands and rolled your eyes. “Shut up.”

Iwaizumi smiled at you again. You could feel your heart melt to see his genuine feelings. He was in pain, but you were the reason he can smile. Iwaizumi didn’t know what he could do to you. Melt your heart, distract you from the reality of now, wish for things that could break others. It made you wonder if Iwaizumi ever thought about how you affect him.

Just his smile melted your heart, did he not understand that holding your face as he kissed your forehead made your heart cease to exist? There were times your exploded with his lips against yours, other times you had to fight the urge to kiss him back.

As Iwaizumi’s eyes smiled at you with his hand still cupping your face, you swore you saw something in him you had never seen. But what other side of Iwaizumi could you see that you haven't already?

“Thanks… I needed that,” Iwaizumi breathed. He opened his mouth to continue, but hesitated. “I… I needed you.”

God, you don’t know how much I need you.

You shook your head slowly. “Anything for you guys. I love you both.”

“Yeah,” there was that pained smile again. “I love you too.”

It was like time slowed just for Iwaizumi and his mind. He brought his lips to your forehead, and it lingered. _Confess to her._ As his lips left, he looked at your eyes. They were so happy, and it made his heart hurt. _Hold her. Tell her you’re in love with her._ Iwaizumi slowly leaned down and brought his lips to your cheeks, letting the seconds pass between you two. _Tell me you love me back. Tell me you’re in love with me, please._ As he leaned back, Iwaizumi couldn't look at your eyes again. He couldn't look at you. His thoughts were reaching him, and it took every power in him to fight them. He rested his forehead against yours, throwing his thoughts away. _Please can I kiss you? Please can you accept my love?_ Iwaizumi shut his eyes tight, clenching his jaw. _Just a breath in between you two, just close the gap. Kiss her._

Slowly, Iwaizumi tasted you. He could have never imagined the craving sensation your lips gave him if your lips were to ever touch. This was what he needed, you were what he needed. Iwaizumi was addicted the second he could feel your lips against his. His heart threw itself against his ribs, screaming when he felt your lips push against his, your body leaning against him. Did you want him?

With just half a second parting lips, a small look into your half lidded eyes, Iwaizumi had to taste you again. He had to have you. Over and over again, Iwaizumi just wanted you. When was he going to taste this again? What was going to be even close to what you tasted like? Iwaizumi was never going to get another chance like this. He kissed your lips over and over again, memorizing your taste. So slow, tender. Iwaizumi wanted so much, to smash his lips against yours, hold you tighter, but this wasn’t supposed to be happening. He wasn't even supposed to be crossing this line, yet he stood on it, hesitating to take another step. Iwaizumi’s kisses were his trembling steps, small, light, soft. His hands grasped deeper into your roots, pushing you against him. It must have been thirteen, twenty times he’s tasted you, and it wasn't enough.

Each time Iwaizumi’s lips left yours, he could see your eyes for half a second. Just maybe… Did you have the same look of desperation for him as he did for you?

Did you even want Iwaizumi?

“Shit,” Iwaizumi blurted, releasing you. He had his hands hover over his hand, his eyes as wide as the sun. “I… Fuck, I’m sorry. Shit, I-I shouldn't-”

“Stay,” you blurted.

Iwaizumi couldn’t even think of a response. Your head was perfectly against the crook of his neck and your hands clamped onto his shoulders. Your voice, feeling the warmth of it against his neck and ear, it was making his inner thoughts eat him.

_She wants you to stay. You want to stay._

“____, we… It’s getting-”

“Stay,” you whispered, darting your eyes to look at his. The tips of your noses touched, Iwaizumi could feel his lips departing. He could feel your breath against his moist lips. “Hajime, stay with me.”

 

Kisses from your lips, hands grabbing onto skin Iwaizumi never thought he’d touch, steps he didn't think he would take while kissing your hot skin over and over again. But his mind was out of control and full of you. So we're your legs and arms, just as Iwaizumi strided his way through the living room, up the stairs, and into your bedroom. You leaned into each other and suddenly the wall was on your back and Iwaizumi smashing himself against you.

He just wanted to memorize this, remember everything in this moment for the rest of his life. No matter where he carried you or kissed, Iwaizumi never wanted to forget. The smell of your skin as he tasted it, the feel of your hands tugging in his hair, the sound of your voice moaning his name with your legs wrapped snugly around you.

Iwaizumi brought you off the wall and carried you to the bed. Your loud breaths erupted, letting each other look into the other’s eyes. How could Iwaizumi keep himself together? You were laying underneath him, with such swollen lips. Iwaizumi did that. You were looking at him with half lidded eyes, no one else. You were breathless because of Iwaizumi. And you wanted him.

Nothing could make Iwaizumi’s mind falter. He was intoxicated with such greed for you. There would never be a better moment to have you all to himself, to selfishly do things he never thought his dreams would come to reality. All Iwaizumi ever wanted was you. And Iwaizumi couldn't control his heart to stop because you wanted him too.

Your spine sunk deeper into the mattress as Iwaizumi cups your face. There was a whole other galaxy in your eyes, something Iwaizumi had never seen in anyone else. Every inch of skin was exposed, the fire that lived within both of you ready to become one.

“Are you sure?” Iwaizumi whispered against your lips, intertwining your fingers. His other hand held his tip against your moist entrance. There was a war inside him, a war of greed and patience.

All you did was nod, your breath shaky. Iwaizumi’s smiling lips were against yours again, pushing his length within you. It hurt. With each inch, your groans deepened, your muscles tightening with ache. You latched yourself to Iwaizumi as he pushed his forehead against yours. Your groans became small screams and tears rolled down your face.

It hurt. It hurt so much, but it was nothing like falling for Iwaizumi. You couldn't understand why you thought of times it was hard to be in love with Iwaizumi. Maybe it was to endure the pain. Thinking of something more painful was always said to help. Iwaizumi pushing his length in slowly into your tight muscles began to ease as you remembered Iwaizumi’s smile when it was to another girl. Another inch felt less painful than the last when you remember Iwaizumi had gotten a confession. Once Iwaizumi was all in, the only pain you could feel was in your chest, remembering the first kiss he ever had was from another girl. All those memories mashed together pained you more than Iwaizumi filling you with himself. You were glad.

You were so happy.

“I…” you panted. Iwaizumi looked down to you, his pants matching yours. It was impossible Iwaizumi could become more attractive. But when he smiled at you, you didn't know what to say. All you could do was grab his face and bring his lips to yours, letting your lips beg for him when your words failed.

It didn't take much more for Iwaizumi to find out what you wanted. He began moving within you, his body electrified from the sounds of your moans against his lips. He almost couldn't control yourself. When Iwaizumi broke the kiss, looking into your eyes reminded him this was both your first times. He didn't want to hurt you. He wanted this to be just as amazing for you as it was for him.

But everything was already amazing about you. Although in this night, Iwaizumi discovered you had a whole level of perfection hidden behind closed doors. The whole night, every different angle he would find you would imprint into his mind. There was a different side he found to love, a different side he wanted to see more of, more sides he wanted to discover. You were even more beautiful with half lidded eyes underneath Iwaizumi, your lips swollen from the kisses he gave you. Iwaizumi’s hands were in new places each time, trying to discover whether you would moan his name louder at this or have him find something better. The hours passed on and Iwaizumi found himself intoxicated with you even more than the last minute.

There was no shame in letting you see these different sides to him as well. Neither of you cared what the other thought, because you both synced perfectly. Each time Iwaizumi exploded himself into you and you would clasp his length tighter with your climax, a minute wouldn't pass without you two finding yourselves wrapped within one another. Iwaizumi wanted to see more of you. He wanted to see what you looked like if he spread your legs while pushing his hips deep into your walls. You screamed his name louder that time. Iwaizumi needed to know if you enjoyed his hands grabbing handful of your glutes while he dug his hips hard into you. You begged for it faster and harder. He wanted nothing than to hear you moan your pleasure more, so he did nothing but oblige. Iwaizumi didn't know what it would be like if you took control of his body. He discovered he liked it best to watch your face in this position. Iwaizumi felt his craving for you intensify when he could see you ride him, with faces he never could imagine.

On the edge of the bed, against the wall, in front of your mirror. There was no end to the different views Iwaizumi wanted to see. And you didn't care, you wanted him to see these sides to you. You wanted him to see your bare back as you arched it for him, letting Iwaizumi know you liked what he was doing. There was nothing Iwaizumi did the entire night you didn't like.

Finally, with sunrise just nearing, you laid atop Iwaizumi, your deep pants matching. Every inch of your skin was covered in sweat and Iwaizumi’s saliva. You felt Iwaizumi’s hands cup your cheek just before he brought his lips to yours. Your bodies shifted to the side, letting him slip out of you as rolled over to lay next to him. Iwaizumi looked at your eyes, his crave for you subsiding a little. Could he still want more?

His hand was warm against your cheek. “Come here,” Iwaizumi whispered. Your body scooted closer for his arm to wrap behind you. He kissed your forehead lightly. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I’m okay. Don’t worry.”

“Good,” Iwaizumi smiled.

It was so genuine. Iwaizumi was genuine. It made your heart want to explode or hide. Probably both.

It was unbearable to look at him any longer, so you hid your face into his chest, your arms wrapping around Iwaizumi. It seemed he didn't mind as he wrapped his arms tighter around you.

“Hajime,” you called out.

Iwaizumi felt his cheeks become hot. He was embarrassed to be disappointed it wasn't a moan. When did Iwaizumi become so selfish with you? A whole night of you moaning his name filled with pleasure, and the one time you just say his name, Iwaizumi’a disappointed.

“Yeah?”

“You think we can sleep for a bit?” you asked tiredly, a small smile on your face. You had become more tired than expected.

“After all that, I was hoping we would” Iwaizumi silently chuckled. He was starting to get tired too.

“Hajime?” you called out, your sleepy voice making Iwaizumi’s body become hot. He didn't want this to end.

But good things had to end at some point. That's how reality worked.

Iwaizumi’s lips hummed. He shifted his body closer to you, letting this memory engrave into his mind one last time. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I just…” your voice was trailing off. “I… Can we just stay like this?”

“You’re an idiot,” Iwaizumi replied. He kissed the top of your head as he pulled the sheets up to your shoulders. You were already easing your breaths. Your eyes fluttered shut slowly. Just one last time, one last time he’ll get to feel this was seeing this side of you. Iwaizumi placed another kiss to your head before wrapping himself around your sleeping body. “I don't want this to end.”

 

Morning seeped through your curtains, making your eyelids warm.

Slowly, your eyes fluttered open, meeting the curtains. It took a second for you to realize it was a new day. The man you were in love with was just on the other side of your bed. It felt a little silly to smile to yourself, as if Iwaizumi wouldn’t see something so embarrassing. Eagerly, you turned over, ready to see the sleeping face you were so used to. But this was different. Everything was different now, and you couldn’t have been any happier. You and Iwaizumi shared the same feelings, you could finally express your love without feeling the guilt eat you alive. You were ready to be in love with Iwaizumi with him being in love with you.

Except Iwaizumi was gone.

Your smile disappeared. You held your blanket against your chest as you sat up, seeing if he was anywhere else. If you caught him changing into his clothes, at least he was still here. Iwaizumi wouldn’t have just left. If you saw him come walking through your door, at least you knew he came back to you. Iwaizumi would never leave you after such an amazing night. A few seconds passed when you stared at the door. It never opened. Your head would snap to each side of the room. His backpack, all his clothes, him. They were gone. Your clothes were still scattered across the room, but Iwaizumi’s were missing.

Iwaizumi left.

In disbelief, you checked your phone. No text messages explaining where he went. There was no missing calls or voicemails to say he would be coming back. You jumped from your bed to the desk. No paper with a note of “good morning” or “I’ll be back”. The blanket pooled around your feet as the tears fell from your eyes. It felt like a whole sea of your tears replaced the blanket pooling around your feet after an hour. You hoped within that hour maybe Iwaizumi would just appear, with a sudden explanation.

Iwaizumi left and never came back.

 

“If you’re in love with me, how can you leave the morning after we had sex?! You can’t tell me you’re in love with me after you left me the next morning after we had sex! Hajime, you don’t do that to someone you’re in love with!”

Iwaizumi’s mind was boggled. He had too many thoughts to say either of them. I am in love with you, for almost my whole life I’ve been in love with you. I promise you, I had a good reason for disappearing. I never wanted to hurt you, I didn’t want to break your heart. Please, don’t leave me alone. Please, don’t hate me. Please, understand. No matter how many times Iwaizumi thought what he was going to say would be good enough, he hesitated. He finally looked at your crying eyes, but why were his eyes in so much pain? They seemed more broken than after Seijou’s last loss against Shiratorizowa. You watch his mouth move, opening and closing, but nothing voicing. Iwaizumi palmed his forehead slowly, his breath hissing through his teeth. It was starting to become difficult to stand, Iwaizumi just wanted to sit down. He just wanted everything to be okay. You, him, and Oikawa.

“Fucking Shittykawa. That fucking idiot is my best friend. And I slept with the girl he’s in love with,” Iwaizumi responded quietly. He didn’t say anything as your eyes widened.

The door you’ve kept locked for years finally clicks open. It doesn’t slowly creak. It unleashes the tsunami of words you never wanted to hear. You shook your head in denial whimpering, begging not to listen.

“Haji, don’t. Please, don’t-”

“____, you can’t keep running away. Shittykawa’s been in love with you, for so long. Hell, longer than me I’m willing to bet,” Iwaizumi scoffed. It was making him frustrated to see you cry. You can’t keep running away anymore. You can’t keep avoiding this.

“Please, Hajime, stop. Just stop,” you begged, shaking your head again.

But he didn’t stop. Iwaizumi’s frustration didn’t stop. “Toruu’s been in love with you. You and I both know that.”

“I didn’t ask! I don’t want to talk-”

“Stop running away!” Iwaizumi bossed. You flinched to hear his voice raise. It ‘s been such a long time since you had heard Iwaizumi raise his voice.

Iwaizumi was usually the composed one in the group. Oikawa and you would lose to your emotions, you losing to them the easiest. Oikawa did a good job of hiding behind his emotions rather than them taking over his actions. Still, Iwaizumi knew best how to calm you both and wake you up to your senses. But when Iwaizumi lost the war against his emotions, it was terrifying. It just meant the reality of the situation was as heavy as it was.

“Running away got us into this mess, we can’t keep doing it!”

“You ran away too, you can’t just pin this all on me!”

Iwaizumi waved his hands frustrated. You weren’t understanding, the point was going over your head. He wanted everything to be okay. Iwaizumi wanted you two to be okay, he wanted all three of you to be okay. This conversation wasn’t leading to the better end he wanted.

“I’m telling you, you and I both can’t run away anymore! That’s why we’re having this talk! I’m trying to own up to my mistakes! I’m sorry! I ran away that day because I fucked up! I slept with the girl I'm in love with, who just so happens to be the same girl my best friend is in love with! The idiot may be a pain the ass, but he's still my best friend! And I did the most fucked up shit to him!”

This had to get fixed. Iwaizumi had to fix things with you, with Oikawa. Before everything was past that point and into the point of not fixing everything. Iwaizumi couldn’t have that. Not with anyone, especially you two.

“So, what?! Your plan was just to avoid me until everything went back to normal?!” you spat.

It was true. Iwaizumi avoided you until things seemed normal. The day you woke up without him, you tried contacting him. He never replied. He wasn’t home or at Oikawa’s. It felt a little bittersweet to hear Iwaizumi wasn’t with Oikawa.

_“Huh? Iwa-chan’s not here,” Oikawa responded on the other end of the line._

_“Oh, okay,” you replied, hoping your disappointment wasn’t too obvious. “I tried giving him back his jacket, but he wasn’t home. And he’s not answering. So I thought you guys were together.”_

_“Mmm, Iwa-chan might be out with Auntie. Either way, you could just give it to him tomorrow, ____-chan,” Oikawa chimed. It hurt. It hurt to hear him so happy. He was so happy and you were breaking into little pieces. Oikawa didn’t know, and you wanted to tell him everything._

_What you needed right now was your best friend. Yet… It felt like gravity was pulling you back._

_“Y-You’re right,” you decided against it. But you couldn’t be alone either. Not with your mind going crazy. Why did Iwaizumi leave? “Do you want to hang out today?”_

_“Ah,” Oikawa hesitated. “I actually promised Satsuki-san I’d help her with chemistry today.”_

_Of course he was going to see some girl. “Toruu, you’re horrible at science.”_

_“Well, it seems she likes the chemistry we have more than the textbooks have in store for us,” Oikawa chimed._

_You rolled your eyes. It was better than letting Oikawa hear you whimper. You fought so hard not to let the shatter in your heart falter your appearance. If Oikawa heard, he’d drop everything to be by your side. But how could you tell him? “Fine, whatever Toruu. Have fun on your date.”_

When you did see Iwaizumi at school, just a second of eye contact he would walk away. You tried texting him several times, maybe then he would respond. No matter what you said, he wouldn’t respond.

You would try to be casual about it. _Haji, you don’t have to avoid me._

You tried to be nice about it. _Please, can we just talk? I promise I’m not mad. Just stop avoiding me, okay?_

You tried to be funny about it. _If I was that bad at it, you didn’t have to keep going (⌍་д་⌌)_

No response from Iwaizumi.

His mission took to high extremes. Suddenly meeting eye contact with you or even being in the same hallway would result in Iwaizumi practically darting away. The time you three would be at lunch, Iwaizumi insisted he had to help Matsukawa and Hanamaki with their studies. You began to worry he had told them about that night, but when you would bump into them, they would complain about the study sessions Iwaizumi would hold for them. Either they were really good actors or destiny had timed their failures perfectly for Iwaizumi to avoid you.

Even Oikawa began to worry.

_“Did you tell Iwa-chan something that I said to him?” Oikawa pouted._

_“What, no,” you scoffed. “He’s been avoiding me too, Toruu. If I told him you said anything bad about him, which when have you said something bad about Hajime? But if I did tell him you said something bad, he would just confront you about it. You know how he is. He’s… He’s avoiding us for something else.”_

_Of course, you knew what that something was. It happened almost a week and a half ago._

_Oikawa’s lips hummed as you ate your bento box. “Did you two get into a fight?”_

_“No,” you don’t know what this is you and Iwaizumi were having. A heavy sigh left your mouth. “I tried going to his house to see if he wanted to talk. Auntie just said he was already asleep. I even tried waiting for him at the house, sometimes he would never come home.”_

_“Wow, ____-chan, it feels like you guys got into a fight. You’re really worried about him,” Oikawa pestered._

_“Well… He’s avoiding the both of us. I don’t like it,” you replied quietly. You brushed your hair out your face, remembering the way it felt when Iwaizumi did the same when he hovered over you. It hurt to remember such an unforgettable moment. “How is he at practice?”_

_“He acts the same. Like he never avoids me. He still bosses me around and stuff, but when it comes to walking home, he’s quiet. When we’re at school, he avoids me. Whenever I call him or text him, he’ll only respond when it’s about the team! Really, just how inconsiderate of Iwa-chan to avoid me for no reason. And you, of course.”_

_At first, Oikawa crossed his arms all annoyed, his feelings pouring out of him. He was so loud. But as he looked to you, expecting you to be the same. Oikawa saw the sadness in your eyes. You were glad he didn’t mention it though._

_“We’ll figure it out. Soon. Maybe… Maybe he’s just in some rut. Don’t worry too much, okay ____-chan?”_

_If I wasn’t losing my mind over this, I would worry less._

Your laugh was sarcastic, Iwaizumi knew you were angry. “I’m fucking surprised we even got back to being best friends, Hajime!”

It was frustrating. It was so frustrating everything was spiraling in Iwaizumi’s life. He fucked up with you, he can't even tell you properly that he’s in love without you having trouble believing him. He fucked up his friendship with his other best friend. It was even a miracle Oikawa and Iwaizumi could function fluently as Captain and Vice Captain. But the price of love for volleyball versus each other clearly powered over the other. Iwaizumi just wanted this all fixed, letting everything out.

Iwaizumi turned, holding his head frustrated. He couldn't look at you be so mad at him. How could he comfort you when he was the source of all your problems?

“Hajime! Listen to me!”

_I can’t. I can’t think. I need to fix this but I can’t._

“Hajime, you, you can’t just tell me Toruu’s in love with me! And not expect me to get like this!”

_Yes, yes I can. Because he was so in love with you and it was so obvious. We could have avoided this years ago if we all just confessed. Why were we so scared to tell our feelings?_

“I can’t fix this when I broke us all!”

_You didn’t do anything. You couldn't handle everything alone. I left you alone to suffer. It's my fault._

"Hajime, how are we supposed to fix this in time for graduation?! You know, I would still like to see my best friends play volleyball together!"

“I’m not going to the same university as Toruu!”

It's finally quiet. It's finally quiet and Iwaizumi nor you can get a thought in. Iwaizumi faced you but he couldn't look at your eyes. He was done breaking you. He couldn't handle how your eyes looked so broken hearted because of all his fuck ups.

His chest burns. The truth doesn't make him feel any better, just selfish. Your knees were shaking ever since Iwaizumi yelled. It was a surprise they took this long to give out. Iwaizumi couldn't run to you, he didn't want to comfort you. Because he knew you wouldn't want him touching right now. You needed to process this. You needed to process what reality had become.

_I’m breaking her again. We both are, Shittykawa._

Iwaizumi slowly walks over to you and kneels before you. He holds his hand out, he doesn't waver when you slowly look at his hand, as if it wasn’t real. Because none of this was real. It wasn’t supposed to be real.

“C’mon,” Iwaizumi’s voice was raspy and a bit quiet. “____, let’s-”

“How can you just… How can you just keep throwing this all at me?!” you yelled. Even as you covered your ears, the ringing still burned. Even as you shut your eyes tight, the world still burned in front of you.

You flinched at Iwaizumi’s hand bringing you into his chest. It was light. “C’mon.”

You nodded and took Iwaizumi’s hand as you both stood up. It was hard to stand. Your body hadn’t stopped shaking. Iwaizumi couldn't blame you. You both sat on the bed facing each other. But you couldn't look at Iwaizumi. Your world was spinning out of control.

His hands cupped yours and rubbed his thumbs against your skin. There were a few tears falling into both your hands. Slowly, both your eyes found each other, and it broke your heart (you were surprised it was still there) to see Iwaizumi force a smile.

“You ready?” Iwaizumi asked. His tears stopped.

You shrugged.

Iwaizumi coughed a small laugh. “Me too. But… We have to do this.”

You nodded, wrapping what leftover tape you had over the pieces of your heart. You knew you needed whatever strength left to hear this.

“I’m in love with you, ____,” You didn't even know why you were holding back your tears at this point. You didn't even know why you tried to keep your heart together anymore. “I didn’t really know it then, but I liked you since I met you. It wasn’t really obvious. I was a kid, I just thought I was really curious about you. I didn't realize I was in love with you until I saw how Toruu looked at you.”

Iwaizumi smiled at the floor. It was unbelievable how much nostalgia was hitting him right now.

“He looked at you like you were the only thing that ever mattered, even when he was talking to some other girl. It sucks to say, but even when he got a girlfriend, I knew it wouldn't last. I knew that's how much he loved you. He just wanted you, I don't even know why he bothers with girls nowadays. Well,” Iwaizumi scoffs. “I do.”

His hands were soft. They were calloused but soft. It was the only thing keeping your heart together. You gave up.

“I didn't know I was _in_ love with you until you got your boyfriend. That Ashitaka guy? He was nice. Tried to kiss mine and Toruu’s ass too much though. But I know he meant good.

“Didn't mean I didn't hate him for getting to be your boyfriend. I didn't really know what to do. You were so happy with the guy, but I loved you too much to watch you be happy with him. Then I saw how Toruu reacted. It was like the whole thing didn't phase him, even though I knew you were his hole damn heart.

“Then one day he found me putting away the volleyball carts after a game. You and Ashitaka said hi to us. I just wanted to run away. Well, I wanted to punch the guy cus he was holding your hand in front of me.

“I just kept thinking, _I thought I was over this. I thought I could handle this. I thought I was done being in love with ____._

“I didn’t even realize I went from loving you to being in love with you until I thought the words out of anger. Once I figured my own feelings, I had no doubt it was the same for Toruu.”

Iwaizumi’s smile was concrete. Iwaizumi wiped away a tear and held your cheek. He hadn't done that since you two slept together. You were melting into him, even while you let more tears fall. Maybe Iwaizumi was melting too, because his smile was easing. He was showing his pain through his smile.

“I figured you knew how me and Toruu felt too. Maybe not that exact time, but around that time,” Iwaizumi said. He frowned as you shook your head immediately. “You can’t run anymore, remember? We’re past that line now, ____.”

Iwaizumi sighed, as if to recollect his mind, body, and spirit. You mentally agreed. With everything going on and your existence wavering, you were exhausted.

“We all never said anything, despite knowing the truth. Toruu and I knew the other was in love with you and we knew you knew. But I guess we all had the same rule. _We can’t break what we have unless we try._ We were all scared to make the friendship end that we never talked about it.”

You grabbed Iwaizumi’s shaking hand, intertwining your fingers. You forced a smile as his eyes widened. Both your worlds were shattering. Your friendship with both your best friends were tainted. Iwaizumi and Oikawa weren’t attending college together like they planned. All three of you would be going to different universities, assumingly far from each other. All three of you were falling apart and needed each other.

“I could deal with not talking about it for awhile,” Iwaizumi admitted and shrugged. “Shittykawa and you were my best friends. I didn’t want anything changing that. I thought it would last forever, hell it felt like it after knowing each other for so long. But I was stupid to think things would stay okay forever.”

“Me too,” you agreed.

“All three of us were stupid,” Iwaizumi scoffed. “Even though I thought I was fine with not breaking us all apart, being in love with you was hard alone. I saw the way you looked at Toruu. And you would give me the same look. It felt unfair. Because I knew you loved us, but I didn’t know which one of us you were in love with. It was selfish to want to know, but…” He took his hand from yours and entangled it into your hair. How long had you two been talking? How long had you two been crying? How much longer was this going to go on for? You missed Oikawa. You missed seeing Oikawa and Iwaizumi banter. You missed the three of you together. “I’m selfish with you. And Toruu’s my best friend. I never wanted to break your heart or betray him. But it was hard to be selfish with either of you. I had been thinking of going to a different since we started our second year.”

“For that long? You kept that from us for that long?! Hajime, you were basically lying to us! Especially Toruu! You two talked about going to the same university and getting ready to play volleyball together in college! Hajime, how could you do that?!”

“I told you, ____! It was hard being so selfish! I couldn't be in love with you and keep my promise for Toruu! I just… I had to stay away from you guys for awhile!”

Your feet met the ground and you were suddenly a couple feet away from the bed. Iwaizumi’s eyes were focused on you, even though you felt your heart burst.

“You were… You were just going to get up and leave us behind?” Iwaizumi turned away. You shook your head in disbelief. “We have been best friends since we were five. And… You were just going to leave me and Toruu alone? Why?!”

“Haven’t you been listening?!” Now Iwaizumi was on his feet. “I’m too in love with you to keep my promise. But I can’t be the reason Toruu can’t keep it together. This was the only way I could think of! I just needed time to myself, away from you two to be able to keep us all okay!”

Iwaizumi grabbed your shoulders, angrily. You winced to his firming grasp, but then you could see. The guilt in his eyes were more alive than ever. “But I didn’t keep any of my promises! I betrayed Toruu and I broke your heart, all because I was selfish! I wasn’t in a good place, and I let my selfishness take over my head. I fucked up! ____, I fucked up and can’t stand that I fucked us all up! That’s why I chose another university! I can’t go to the same university with Toruu and see him everyday after this! He’s broken, and he’s only broken because I’m in love with you!”

Exhausted and frustrated, Iwaizumi yelled. It shook your body when Iwaizumi let go and slammed his upper body atop your bed. His knees shook as they lay in your floor, Iwaizumi yelling close to your sheets. You ran to his side, holding him close.

“Hajime, stop, stop!”

“I can’t! I can’t keep living like this! I can’t be with you guys when all I know is that I’m the reason I can’t play volleyball with Toruu! I can’t keep seeing you when I’m fucked in the head, all because I don’t know if you’re in love with me or Toruu, even when I slept with you! And I don’t want to know, because it won’t fix things with Toruu! I can’t keep acting like everything's okay when it’s not!”

Iwaizumi launched his arms around you. He even felt guilty about this. He was complaining about everything but still clung onto you like you were going to magically fix everything he’s shattered.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you. I shouldn’t have kissed you with my mind all fucked up like that, but I couldn’t help it. I just-”

“You did it because you’re in love with me,” you whispered. Even if Iwaizumi groaned and cried his words, you understood everything now. You couldn’t run away anymore. You had been running away for so long, and it not only wore you down, but it broke everyone else around you. You selfishness was breaking your best friends.

You take Iwaizumi and bring him to the edge of the bed. He looks at you, tired and defeated. It doesn’t phase him anymore how much you’re crying, desperate for everything to be fixed. He was the cause of this, and it was his punishment to see you cry your broken heart out. Because he was the reason you were broken in the first place.

“____, I just-”

“Hajime, I asked you to stay,” you interjected. Iwaizumi hadn’t even realized he was already sitting on the bed with you. You were prepared to say it all, yet your throat was getting smaller. But with each cry, it was getting harder to speak. But you had to say this. Even if someone set you on fire, you still had to tell Iwaizumi everything. Him and Oikawa. “I broke Toruu before you could even try to, because I asked you to stay. I wanted you to stay, so don’t think-”

“I shouldn’t have though. I didn’t have to, but I did! I could have walked away, and just kept on pretending! But I did stay and that’s why I chose to go to another university. I can’t keep doing this and I don’t want to break either of you anymore!”

“You said to stop running away!”

“I already got accepted into the university! I’m going to be a student! Even if this is all fixed-”

“There’s going to be a way, Hajime!” You shook your head, the tears flying. Your body fell to Iwaizumi’s, your forehead in the crook of his neck. He couldn’t be separated from your best friend. You held onto Iwaizumi, because he was going to disappear from your eyes. “You’re just going to talk to Toruu! The idiot might be mad at us, but we’ll just talk to him! We’ll tell him everything. Once you confess, you two will apologize! Especially after he hears you’re not even going to the same university as him! Hajime, you and I both know how much he is going to be devastated! He’s not the same volleyball player if he’s not playing on the same court as you! Hajime, we’ll just-”

“____, you can’t tell me to calm down so you can start freaking out!” Iwaizumi tried to shake you off, so he could help you breathe. But you were drowning in this mess. Your throat was getting slimmer from all the suffocation, but you had to tell him everything just like Iwaizumi told you everything. And then Oikawa would be next. Everything was going to be okay, it had to be.

“Toruu might be mad at us now but that doesn't change the fact we're all best friends! Hajime, you're just as much of Toruu as he is you, especially on the court! We can fix this, we can fix all of us, and-and-”

“____, breathe! Calm down!”

“I can’t calm down because I’m just as guilty for all of this being my fault!”

“No, you’re not! I-”

“I’m in love with you, Hajime! And if I would have just told you both that from the beginning, then none of this would have happened!”

 _Breathe._ You can finally breathe. Even though cries were echoing in the room, even though Iwaizumi finally felt the noise in his brain stop, you had to breathe. His eyes stared at you, as if had turned into someone else. His eyes cried for a different reason. Iwaizumi must be thinking he was selfish to be crying tears of relief after everything.

“You’re…”

“Yeah, I am in love with you, Hajime,” but you couldn’t stop your tears.

Iwaizumi’s body was just moving on auto pilot, hearing the words replay in his head over and over again. He wrapped his arms around you. Even when you did the same, he knew his heart was happy. But he was in disbelief. How could… Iwaizumi laughed to himself, frustrated and stupidly. _How could he be so freaking happy right now?_

“It was always you. And you were right. I did know both of you were in love with me, and it scared me. That meant I had to choose one over the other. And that meant I was going to lose the one I didn’t choose. But… But I couldn’t lose Toruu, either. I wanted all of us together, so I chose not to choose at all.”

You rubbed your face into Iwaizumi’s neck. You were warm. And he wanted to keep this warmth forever. He held onto your head, holding you closer, hoping your warmth wouldn’t slip out his fingers.

“But you’re right. I was stupid to think we all could keep this going. It was just a bomb waiting to go off. And I set it off, because I was selfish. I wanted you to keep kissing me that night. And when we finally kissed… It was like there was no stopping me from being in love with you. It just got bigger and harder for me to ignore it once you kissed me. I had to ask you to stay, or else I would have never gotten another chance to kiss you again.”

You smiled into Iwaizumi’s neck. It tickled a bit, but it felt nice. You were in love with him. After all these years of constant worry, always putting himself second best to Oikawa for you, and looking the other way when you got a boyfriend, you were in love with Iwaizumi.

But you were right. Now that you chose Iwaizumi, what about Oikawa?

“But then the days went on, and even though we fixed our awkward situation, we never talked about what happened that night. We never talked about that night. So I had to question it, were you even in love with me? Or was I just something to use to get over your loss against Shiratorizowa? I couldn’t even think about being in love with you, because then I didn’t want to think you could break my heart. I didn’t want to admit my heart was even broken because of you. Before I knew it, it was broken because of you. And I couldn’t even tell you because we just got back to being… Normal.

“So… I guess I just let it eat me. I didn’t want to get left behind again, but I didn’t know who to turn to. It just kept eating me because I would look at you and just question everything. I would always support you and Toruu at the games and just think ‘If they lose this game will Hajime do that again?’. And then it hit me. Toruu.”

You looked at Iwaizumi, frowning as deep as you could. He had to know. He had to know how much you felt so guilty for keeping this all from him. He had to know you felt so guilty from not telling Oikawa. He had to know that everything was eating you alive and all you’ve known is guilt since that day.

“I knew you and Toruu were in love with me. And yet, even when I did choose you, I didn’t tell Toruu. He just kept on smiling, not knowing what I had done. That’s why I told him. I felt so damn guilty for not telling him I finally chose you, that I had to tell him. I’m… I’m just so done. I had to tell him and I had to tell you how I felt. I just-”

“Don’t say anything, I get it,”Iwaizumi interjected.

You shook your head. “No, Haji. You don’t. I’ve felt so guilty, even before we slept together.”

“How… How long?” he asked. Iwaizumi wasn’t certain if he was suppose to be afraid or concerned. Just how long had this been eating you up?

“Since I figured out you two were in love with me,” you held your face, letting your hands catch your tears. And with each tear, your guilt erupted. “I tried fall in love with Toruu, because I knew he was so in love with me. And I’m not saying he was more in love with me than you. But… How could I be in love with a man that I met second? Shouldn’t I be in love with Toruu? I met him first, love him, everything! He was my first friend! And yet…”

Iwaizumi wrapped his arms around you again. How many times was he going to do this before he actually felt like he was allowed to be happy?

“I couldn’t do it. I won’t do that to my best friend. I won’t pity him because he deserves better. And no matter how much it would hurt him, I swore I wouldn’t cheat my feelings for you. Because… You come along, and… I'm just so in love with you. I'm in love with you Hajime. And I love Toruu. And I wanted that rule to be just because I love you both and want to have you both forever or as long as I live but I'm in love with you and want to spend the rest of my life married to you and have Toruu with us because he's our best friend! I don’t want to lose either of you!”

His arms wrapped around you tighter, just as both your cries became louder. He wouldn’t be allowed to be happy for awhile, not until his was fixed. Because it was obvious. As much as you two were in love with each other, Oikawa Toruu was just as much a part of both you as you two were apart of him. Iwaizumi and you couldn’t live without Oikawa Toruu, nor would either of you allow it.


	2. Irony Laughs at It's Victims

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just then, Oikawa comes into your vision. He makes your eyes widen, because he’s actually looking at you. He’s running about half a court behind Iwaizumi, yet he’s looking right into your eyes right before he closes the distance between them.
> 
>  
> 
> _I got him._
> 
>  
> 
> Your eyes widen to the sudden look. Just as you understood the stare, Oikawa met with Iwaizumi, slapping his back firmly before passing him. Iwaizumi stood with his head low. Hanamaki and Matsukawa lightly copy Oikawa’s action and Iwaizumi stands there for a few seconds longer to wipe his tears before meeting the team side by side.
> 
> Once Iwaizumi lines up, Oikawa checks on him from his peripheral one last time before he leads the team to bow. In the noise of claps, you mindlessly follow. Your hands can't help but continue when Oikawa and your eyes meet again.
> 
> How could Oikawa be checking on you too, when he was the one who needed it more?
> 
> Maybe… Just maybe, Oikawa still cared for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Need other chapters? [Iwaizumi x Reader x Oikawa Chapters 1-8](https://sportanimefantasies.tumblr.com/post/148394737897/i-just-binged-your-iwaizumi-x-oikawa-x-reader-fic)

Whenever a volleyball game was coming up, it took all your excitement that week. Even with everything going on with your best friends, that didn’t change… Much. You didn’t know what to expect during the semi-finals of the Spring Tournament. Usually you would be down with the team helping them warm up. But everyone on the team knew what was going on with you three, ever since the practice game against the college students. It felt wrong to help out, but it felt even more wrong not to be by Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s side. It was a ritual to be by their side, giving a few last words of encouragement.

As you took a seat in the stands by yourself, you watched Seijou warm up. You didn’t have to put much effort in finding Oikawa and Iwaizumi. It was natural for your eyes to just find them.

It was amazing, Oikawa and Iwaizumi acted as if none of the mayhem happening between you three existed. Oikawa still teased Iwaizumi and Iwaizumi still yelled at Oikawa. It made you laugh to yourself. It was nice. Lately you had been breaking apart from everything that happened, and even though it was just pretend, seeing them act normal was a nice little break from your breakdown.

Well, pretending didn’t seem right. There was a time and place for every occasion. And now was not the time to mind a love quarrel between childhood friends. Now was the time for volleyball and to think only about volleyball.

Seeing Oikawa act normal though… It was surreal. The distance between you two was about the same as the distance between you two at school. But to see his expressions during volleyball, it was stronger. Oikawa was captain of the volleyball team. He was powerful and famous. No one could miss his presence. And despite everything, you were no exception to that rule. In fact, because he was your best friend, it was as if that rule applied to you ten times more powerfully.

If Iwaizumi never told you his plan, maybe he would seem the same. But you could see the little things in his eyes. Once Oikawa turns away from Iwaizumi, he looks at him with guilt. Iwaizumi’s pout becomes a small frown, something only you or Oikawa could see. He would focus on Oikawa longer as well, as if this was the last game they would be playing together.

_“You guys are going to win,”_

_Iwaizumi looked at you a bit dazed. You sat there firmly, true to your words. Slowly as they processed, he chuckled. As if he didn’t believe in your words._

_“What?! You guys are! Don’t think this is your last game together! It won’t be!” you confirmed._

_“You know, if we didn’t just have this big fight, I’d agree with you,” Iwaizumi smiled. You couldn’t help but flinch at his words. Of course, he expected that. Iwaizumi cupped your cheek with comfort, running his thumb along it. “I’m the ace, I’m going to take our team to Nationals, along with Shittykawa.”_

A familiar yell caught your attention. Your eyes shot to Kageyama. He was taller, looked more mature. And in his own way, happy. You could tell just from how he yelled. Kageyama was more in control of his actions, felt less guilty. Even though he should feel a bit bad for yelling at the orange haired volleyball player.

It was nice to see Kageyama less lonely. Oikawa and Iwaizumi found their volleyball in each other, and when everything was going on back in junior high school, you wanted Kageyama to find his own volleyball as well. With a strong bond like Oikawa and Iwaizumi. With a bond like theirs, you couldn’t help but want everyone to find their own trustful partner like your best friends. It was an amazing thing all on its own.

_“I’m not going to the same university as Toruu!”_

Your eyes widened to the memory. You tried to forget Iwaizumi’s sudden confession. It worked for awhile, but thinking back about their bond now, you couldn’t help but remember. Your heart swam in a pool of regret. You were the reason Iwaizumi drove himself to this decision. You didn’t want it to happen, yet it did.

What was going to happen to you three? What was going to happen between Oikawa and you, Iwaizumi and you? Was there going to be a “you three” in the future?

Suddenly the whistle screamed for Seijou and Karasuno to play. Your eyes shot up to the players standing at their respective sides, ready. This was ridiculous. There was a time and place for every occasion. Just as Oikawa and Iwaizumi did it for volleyball, you had to as well.

Seijou will win, they had to. This wasn’t going to be their last game and this wasn’t going to be the last time you support your best friends play together.

~ 

The last buzzer roars and the crowd cheers for Karasuno.

Seijou lost.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi won’t be going to National’s.

It takes you a total of twenty three seconds to become conscious again. But it only took three seconds for yours and your best friends world to change. The three seconds had past from the ball ricocheting off of Oikawa’s arms to the gym roaring of mixed feelings. In those three seconds, the entire gym went silent. In those three seconds, you held your breath, waiting for the referee to blow the whistle for a _new_ play, not for the game to be over. And yet, the game _was_ over.

As the Karasuno players cheered in one big group, Seijou players stood in their spots, living in different feelings. Shock. Disbelief. Disappointment. Regret. Pain.

The Seijou and Karasuno players bow to each other and others. And it was then when you have to wipe so many tears away from your face. As Oikawa shakes the referee's’ hands, his face is so straight. There is no despair, no childish banter, nothing that shows how Oikawa is feeling inside.

Oikawa Toruu is the strongest volleyball player you know. It's not just in the strength he has polished to be his own. It's the mentality he has learned to mature with for his team.

Even if he is the strongest player you know, you still know Oikawa Toruu for who he is. His dream for the longest time, second to taking down that idiot Ushiwaka guy, is to go to National’s. And Oikawa deserved it more than anyone you knew. You said that confidently even if he was your best friend. No one had loved volleyball from every fall to jump more than Oikawa and no one had ever felt more passion to win the sport he loves more than Oikawa.

So you were broken for Oikawa. Oikawa deserves more than anyone to go to National’s. And yet, he goes on with such a straight face. It breaks your heart.

Your eyes travel to someone slowly jogging behind the rest of the players. It was then when you had to silence your cries, because Iwaizumi Hajime was crying bigger tears than he has ever cried.

Iwaizumi Hajime was the most reliable volleyball player you know. It’s not just the motivating words or the big smiles he has for his teammates that make you know this best. It’s the stability he has to always hold his team high up. No matter what obstacle, there was a way for Iwaizumi to show his team there was always a way.

But seeing Iwaizumi crack, you knew. Even if he was the most reliable player, you knew Iwaizumi Hajime, the person. Iwaizumi carried his team on his shoulders proudly as they held their ace admiringly. He took the admiration and made it his power for Seijou.

Even you knew Iwaizumi was blaming himself for this loss. That last amazing toss his best friend and setter gave him, he threw it away. You knew how much Iwaizumi believes he wasted their team’s chance to National’s. Iwaizumi feels as though he doesn't deserve to be an ace to look up to.

So you were broken for Iwaizumi as well. Because Iwaizumi was the best ace that deserved all the admiration he has received. Iwaizumi deserves to go to National’s to show all of Japan what an amazing ace he is along side his most trusted setter. And yet, he blames himself for this loss. It breaks what is left of your broken heart.

Just then, Oikawa comes into your vision. He makes your eyes widen, because he’s actually looking at you. He’s running about half a court behind Iwaizumi, yet he’s looking right into your eyes right before he closes the distance between them.

_I got him._

Your eyes widen to the sudden look. Just as you understood the stare, Oikawa met with Iwaizumi, slapping his back firmly before passing him. Iwaizumi stood with his head low. Hanamaki and Matsukawa lightly copy Oikawa’s action and Iwaizumi stands there for a few seconds longer to wipe his tears before meeting the team side by side.

Once Iwaizumi lines up, Oikawa checks on him from his peripheral one last time before he leads the team to bow. In the noise of claps, you mindlessly follow. Your hands can't help but continue when Oikawa and your eyes meet again.

How could Oikawa be checking on you too, when he was the one who needed it more?

Maybe… Just maybe, Oikawa still cared for you.

~ 

Seijou players pass you as they leave the club room. You for your regards to their feelings, them doing the same back to you. It felt silly. A team lost yet they felt the need to comfort you.

Just then, Iwaizumi is walking up to you, his head slowly raising to meet yours. His eyes are red, the bags underneath a bit swollen. He probably couldn't stop from crying on the bus as well.

Iwaizumi stops in front of you. It's hard. He doesn't know what to say, especially after the last conversation. Another broken promise? Iwaizumi was getting sick of himself. Your eyes staring into his made a pit form into his stomach. He was sick of disappointing you.

Suddenly your fingers intertwined his. There were no words needed. There were enough words in this, just like Oikawa’s slap to Iwaizumi’s back. Iwaizumi cracks a small smile and finally looks up to you.

“He’s in the gym,” Iwaizumi mentions quietly.

You nod. “I know,” you look up, worried. “Will you wait for us?”

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi agreed. “I’ll be here waiting for you guys.”

Iwaizumi broke your hold with a small smile. Before he took more quickened steps than he wanted, you took his hand into yours again. It took all his might to not look at you. Just feeling your fingers wrap tighter around his made it harder for him to keep his cries from being quiet.

“I know,” Iwaizumi mumbled. You squeezed the hand in yours one last time before letting go.

There were volleyballs scattered throughout the gym. One empty volleyball cart and a full one was placed next to Oikawa. He bounced the ball in his hand over and over again, not letting you distract him. He knew it was you. He didn't have to look to the sound of your footsteps, he just knew.

You stood a few feet behind with your sweaty hands behind your back. Oikawa bounced the ball a few more times before moving to do his jump serve. Everything about Oikawa was strong. The jump, the hit, and the landing. Even if you tried your hardest to look away from him, Oikawa demanded all eyes on him.

The ball bounced until it rolled to the wall. It was silent between you two until Oikawa walked over to the volleyball cart.

“Thank you, Toruu,” you said.

Oikawa flinches as he grabs a ball in the cart. He’s not dumb. He knows what you’re thanking him for.

Oikawa walks back to his original spot, bouncing the ball to get ready to serve again. The sound of the ball smacking against the court sounded better than remembering his look to you.

_I got him._

Oikawa jump serves again.

As Oikawa walks to the volleyball cart again, he looks to you as you stood next to the carts. You have a ball in your hands, ready to toss to him. It just makes Oikawa scoff with a frown.

“I’m not dumb, ____-chan,” Oikawa states firmly. “I know you’re here to cheer me up. And I know you’re not dumb either. You know how stubborn I can be. So I don’t care how much you try, or how long Iwa-chan waits… Nothing will make me feel better.”

You half smile. Oikawa raises an eyebrow to you. “You left out the part where you're still mad at us.”

Oikawa can’t help but look at you with disbelief. Did you _seriously_ just bring that up? He can’t even argue back, so Oikawa takes a few steps back without a ball in hand.

Of all the friendships, childhood friends are the utmost scariest. Not one word has to be shared and they could understand each other completely. Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and you were mainly the reason almost everyone that knew you three believed this to be true. Even in a fight like this, nothing had to be said.

You tossed the ball into the air at the perfect height for Oikawa, and he responded immediately. His feet took its step toward the ball in time to jump and slam it back to the ground on the other side of the court. Oikawa turned his back to the ball. As he made his way back into position, he didn't have to look to you to know you were ready for him.

Childhood friendships were scary.

All of Oikawa’s focus was on each ball you tossed into the air yet he could just _see_ how you were looking at him without having to look at you. _You felt bad._ You watched Oikawa slam one ball after the other with such guilt like it was your fault Seijou lost.

He knew you could tell how angry he was to know you were thinking that.

You could tell from the way his head flinched forward, forcing himself not to snap at you. So you tossed another ball into the air, another one following right when Oikawa was ready. With each ball you tossed, you sent your words to him. And Oikawa received each one with a bash of his own words.

_This is my fault._

_Like hell it is._

_You were more than enough._

_Obviously not._

_Just say it already._

_You already know what I want to yell._

Your grip on the ball was loose from the sweat and your eyes distracted from the tears brimming at your eyes. When the ball left your hands, the toss was too low, making Oikawa hit the ball straight into the net. The two of you stared at the ball bounce then stood in silence.

Oikawa was breathing harder, his teeth clenched. And all you could ado was frown.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

Oikawa snapped his neck to you. “You’re sorry?” He takes a couple stomps toward you with his emotions seeping out. “Why apologize for that shitty toss? Not like you play volleyball, and this isn't even a warm up to some game or anything! I’m just blowing off steam because I’ve had a shitty couple of months, ____-chan. So why are you even apologizing?”

“It was a bad toss. You wanted to keep hitting balls. I messed up your flow,” you replied with a frown.

“This isn’t even a game! There’s nothing to be sorry for! There’s nothing for you to cheer me up over! There’s nothing! There’s no more volleyball and there’s no goddamn National’s for us!” Oikawa roars as he launches the empty volleyball cart, causing it to fall over. It's crash echoes throughout the gym, along with Oikawa’s pants.

You say nothing. Because you know he has more to say. And Oikawa continues with no filter.

“You’re here to cheer me up, yet you have nothing to say! Not like there would be anything to say to make me feel better! You can’t cheer me up, ____-chan! This was the last chance that we had, that I had!” Oikawa brushes his hands through his hair with a yell.

He snaps his tight neck back to you and gets closer. He was only a couple of feet away, this was the first time you could actually see Oikawa’s eyelashes. You could even feel his hot breath his towards your chest. It didn't make you less nervous though.

Oikawa was far from done, so you had to hold it together longer. No matter how much you wanted to give in.

“I still haven't gotten over you and our dearest Iwa-chan breaking my damn heart! With that and the loss, how am I even supposed to function?!” Oikawa waits for you to reply.

“I…” you trail off, averting your eyes from Oikawa’s intense one. You usually had a straight mind around your best friends. But lately, that was starting to falter.

When you look back at Oikawa, he gets mad. He’s pissed because you look lost because of him. And he would be happy because you rarely react to him like this. But he’s not happy, he’s far from. Oikawa was still heartbroken.

“Do you know how hard it was for me to look at you?!” Oikawa doesn’t stop when you flinch.

He knows he’s not thinking about your feelings. He knows you have been hurting as well. Oikawa knows you and he knows you have been a fucking mess. You were probably lost in your own thoughts, wandering around. After that incident in the hallway with Sayuraki, Oikawa knows how much you’ve been messed up. He saw it in your eyes.

But that didn't stop his heartbreak. He was just as broken as you because of everything. He wanted it to stop but there was no stopping your heartbreak when he was too damn broken as well.

“Every single time I would see you, I just saw Iwa-chan! Being with you! And not like how we usually are! Like a lover! Your lover! But you know why it hurts worse than before?! Before it was my own imagination hurting me! Now?! It’s fucking reality! I always knew deep down it was going to be Iwa-chan, but I just… I never stopped hoping it would ever be me!”

Oikawa doesn’t hesitate, he knows what he was saying. Oikawa knows what this was leading to, and he knows that you have always known the truth.

Oikawa Toruu was undeniably in love with you since you two have been friends.

“But it wasn’t me! I got my answer, it was never going to be! And I got my answer in the most fucked up way! You guys slept together! Not even a confession or even gave me a heads up of either of you about to confess, you just slap me in the face with the fact you two had sex!” Oikawa makes his arm fly across as he yelled.

“Toruu, I-”

“I lost you! I lost you and couldn't think of a way to feel better other than space! But either way, I still lost you! As the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and as the first best friend I depend my life one! I lost you and the only thing I had left was volleyball!” Oikawa roared. His body shook with every word and he shook more to see not react.

But he knows how you really felt. He couldn't handle it. Oikawa was broken but how could he make you break even more? He never wanted to break your heart.

But he felt selfish, because you were selfish. It didn't feel right but it didn't feel wrong to lash out on you, because he was just so damn broken now.

Oikawa turned and stared at the scattered volleyballs throughout the gym. “All I had was to be at National’s! At least with that I could make it mine! If I worked hard and polished my talents, Seijou and I would make National’s! I couldn’t have you but I could have National’s!

“I threw away my pride over the whole damn thing with Iwaizumi just for National’s because even with everything going on, Iwaizumi was still my ace! I still trusted him the most on the team! Even with the last toss, I gave it to him because I knew he wouldn’t disappoint me! It was fucking impossible, but I made that toss and he hit that ball right on time! Even though I know he’s blaming himself, my trust hasn’t changed!

“If we went to National’s, even against a tougher opponent, I would have tossed the ball to Iwaizumi! Even in a tougher bind I would have tossed to Iwaizumi, because my trust in him as a volleyball player hasn’t changed, ____!”

“Toruu…” you couldn’t find anything else to say, because you missed him. You missed saying his name and you just missed Oikawa Toruu. And you hated that this was the first interaction you two had in months.

“But no matter how much I polished myself, no matter how much harder I worked, it all wasn’t enough! I wasn’t enough for you and I wasn’t enough for National’s!” Oikawa thundered, turning to you with all his anger out. In the veins on his temples, in the shaking clenched fists he had, and in the widened eyes that stared into your existence.

Was there anything for you to say to make Oikawa feel better? Usually, you had the answer in milliseconds. But you were the problem now. How do you fix yourself for your best friend?

So you gave Oikawa the silence he needed. It was time for him to keep a bit calm. He said the things he kept in since you first told Oikawa what happened.

When did you get so stupid? Honesty was policy, the best policy. But love was complicated. Especially when your two best friends are in love with you, and you’re in love with only one. You said it before and meant it all the way. If you chose Hajime, what would happen to Toruu? You loved him too and didn’t want to lose him. But even as you stood in front of each other, Oikawa was slipping away, farther and farther.

You couldn’t have him gone. It was obvious. You couldn’t live without either of them. Oikawa Toruu was you. Iwaizumi Hajime was you. And you were them.

Oikawa snapped his neck to see you walk to him. His eyes were so wide, as if you moved when you weren’t allowed to. Like you were some statue coming to life to kill him. But Oikawa was the one who killed you.

You weren’t crying when Oikawa knows damn well you would be. You should be. No one’s stupid and there’s no point in being in denial anymore. You loved Oikawa still. You lived to make Oikawa happy, and seeing him broken like this? Even if it was because of you and volleyball, no matter what, you were made to make Oikawa happy. You were just being strong to give Oikawa space. And maybe you didn’t know how to make him happy, because Oikawa knew you were just as broken down as he was.

You took another step, and Oikawa couldn’t take it.

“Ah!!!” Oikawa yelled as he turned to the net, throwing his fists against the volleyball net.

The poles clanked against the gym floors barrier as Oikawa held onto the volleyball net, letting his cries scream out loud. There was nothing holding you back from running to Oikawa now. You ducked under the net and faced Oikawa. His hands were shaking as they held onto the net. Oikawa pressed his forehead as he yelled and cried into it.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. The three of you. Oikawa’s dream of National’s. You hesitating.

You brought your fingers through the net and held onto Oikawa’s hand through it. There was nothing to hold back your tears now, because Oikawa felt the same. He treated you so different, but his hands were so soft. He played with so much passion and should be sweating, yet his hands were so soft and shaking. Oikawa Toruu was strong and he wasn’t supposed to be this broken.

“Toruu… Toruu,” you cooed with a cry.

“What?! What, ____?!” Oikawa hissed through the net. “What can you possibly say that-”

“Toruu, you deserve to go to National’s,”

“I know! And I couldn’t, because-”

“You deserve someone who’s in love with you more than you’re in love with me,”

“Great, then give me someone! Because obviously you aren’t-”

“And you deserve to know everything because you’re my best friend, Toruu,” you hiccupped. It was like Oikawa’s shaking body sent its shivers into your body. You couldn’t stop. Stop the pain in your heart, the regret in your soul, and the tears from your eyes.

“What else is there, ____?! What more do you have to say?! What else do you have to tell me that you haven’t to break my damn-”

“Toruu,” you interjected quietly.

“What?!” Oikawa yelled, grasping your hands through the net even tighter.

He’s missed you. That was definite. Oikawa missed your small hands in his when he needed some comfort. But he was just so angry, he wanted it to leave. Yelling was the best next thing to getting something… Normal.

“What more do you have to say, ____?!” Oikawa begged. You couldn't help but flinch back, but you held his hand tighter.

“Toruu, I meant everything I said. And there’s still more for you to know,” you sniffle.

“Like what?!”

“I do love you, Toruu,” your voice breaks. This was everything and anything you both need. Even if Oikawa shook his head, he had to hear it. “Even if you don’t want me around, I got you. I got you like you had Hajime earlier. We’re all best friends, and even if you still don't want to talk, I got you. Because you're my best friend. Because I love you.”

“... But you’re not in love with me,” Oikawa whimpers.

You try for words, but the burn in your throat is defeating you. But you have to say everything. “No, I’m not, Toruu. I’m in love with Haji.”

Oikawa scoffs. “Yeah. I know. I already told you.”

“But that doesn't mean I don’t want you here with us! With me!” you argued with a shriek. “Toruu, you were my first friend and first best friend ever! You and I have always been together! Don't start thinking I would want that to change because I never want that to change!”

“But there is change!” Oikawa wasn't ready for change but it was happening whether he liked it or not.

You were changing, and Oikawa kept himself from embracing it. He wanted to stay on the other side of the net to feel the same, to feel like the world wasn't changing. He doesn't want to have his world change.

Even though it already is.

“____, everything is changing. Us. We’re graduating. Iwa-chan and I won’t be going to National’s. We can count on getting scouted in college together or something,” Oikawa reached his fingers through the net to grasp yours more when you cried louder. “And I don’t know how to _not_ be in love with you, ____.

“Of course I want you to be happy. But I really wanted you to be happy with me. And knowing it’s Iwa-chan, I… I don’t know. He’ll make it up to you, for all of this. You two will be happy together. But where does that leave me? When I’m in love with you?”

Oikawa’s eyes widen when your forehead meets his. He just realizes, you’re crying harder. Louder. He’s so confused but then realizes why you’re crying.

“I know I’ve left you alone these past few months, but… You already decided to leave me behind, huh?” Oikawa chuckles sadly.

“Idiot, no!” you yell back, angry. Oikawa winces at your nails digging into his fingers. “Weren't you listening? I don’t want anything to change! I want you and I to be together until I die! You’re my best friend, you’re-”

“So why are you-”

“I’m not leaving!” you shook your head.

You wanted to bite down on your lip so hard to just make it bleed. _Not yet._ You couldn't tell Oikawa. It wasn't your business to tell.

“I’m crying because I feel like you’ve already made the decision to leave me. Toruu, I can't lose Hajime like I can't lose you. These past few months… if we’re not okay. I… I need both of you,” you blubbered uncontrollably.

Your eyelashes were wet and together. Oikawa hated when you cried. He always wanted to make it stop because you deserved the world. You deserved a happiness that would never break.

Oikawa thought he could be that.

“You make it sound so much like you’re in love with me, and yet… I just know you’re in love with Hajime, ____,” Oikawa sighed. “I… I just don't think-”

Oikawa snaps his neck when you let go of his hand. He watches you take a step back with your hand cupping your mouth, crying into it.

“Wha… ____?”

“I can’t,” you shake your head slowly, and just as slowly fall to your knees. “I can’t, I really can’t.”

Oikawa wanted to go under the net and dash over to your side. There wouldn't be a force in any universe to stop him from doing that, except himself. It sounded stupid to him, but he realized it in that moment.

He was scared to find out more.

“I can’t be the only one that wants us all together!” you screamed into the gym floor.

Oikawa’s eyes widened. He didn't even get to ask before you started again.

“This is why I didn’t want to say anything! This is why I didn’t want either of you guys to confess! It's not fair! I liked my world the way it was, it was enough for me! As long as I had you and Hajime there for me! It was selfish but I just wanna go back to that, Toruu! If I can’t-If I really can’t go back to that then fine! Just both of you, Hajime and you, leave me alone then if-”

“____! Stop!”

It was Iwaizumi. He stood behind Oikawa, his eyebrows furrowed deeper than usual. And… Iwaizumi had panic in his eyes.

“No, no I won’t, Haji! This is bull shit!” you abruptly stood up with fire in your eyes. “I can’t force myself to fall in love with Toruu if that means he stays in my life, and I can’t lose you just because we didn’t want to break the rule! You decided all on your own without letting us-”

“____!”

“No! We’ve kept secrets and haven't talked about crap we needed to talk about, and that’s something best friends don't do! I told Toruu, so you do-”

“What the hell is going on?!” Oikawa roared, finally letting go of the net. His eyes shot to Iwaizumi first, then you, and stayed on Iwaizumi.

The panic in Iwaizumi’s eyes held their ground. They were panicked, but when the gym’s silence lingered, Iwaizumi’s clenched fists released. So did the breath he was holding.

“I’ll tell you later… When____ has everything out. It's only fair,” Iwaizumi informs. His voice is so monotone, not like the usual ass hole tone Iwaizumi always had.

It just makes Oikawa panic.

What could Iwaizumi be hiding?

Oikawa turns to you, waiting. And he finally sees. He sees everything.

All three of you were so broken. Because of each other. Yet the only way to fix this was with each other. Oikawa felt the irony in it all just loved to laugh at him.

Irony laughed at Oikawa as he watched you cower to the floor, wailing into your own arms. Irony mimicked Iwaizumi’s pained eyes as he listened to you and looked at Oikawa. Irony found it especially entertaining that Iwaizumi blamed himself for all of this. Irony just watched Oikawa, waiting for him to be the next laughable act.

He was done being laughed at and done being broken.

Oikawa ducked under the net and made his way to you. His mind wasn’t running on autopilot. He hadn't felt in control of his mind in so long, he wanted to cry. You felt so small in his arms, trembling into his chest as your wails got louder.

But it made Oikawa cry too.

Because he missed this. _He missed you._ And he knew how much you missed him when you wrapped, no, latched yourself to him. You never wanted him to go, and now that the distance was gone, you never wanted Oikawa to leave you.

“Toruu… Toruu… Toruu, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” you hiccuped, shaking your head.

All Oikawa could do was shake his head.

Words were hard to come by. _It’s okay_ seemed wrong because it didn't feel okay for you to break Oikawa’s heart. But holding you, so long after this absence, everything felt okay.  It wasn't just holding you as the treasure Oikawa held dearly, the one person that was _his,_ Oikawa missed you being there.

“I was stupid, I’m sorry ____-chan, I really am,” Oikawa wailed. He wailed so hard for the first time in a long time. “ I’m sorry I left you, I’m so sorry.”

You shook your head. You unwrapped yourself from Oikawa and clenched his jersey, staring into his eyes. “I should have been honest, I should have told you when it happened. I should have went to you when Haji made me go crazy.”

Oikawa’s hands brushed through your soft hair, coughing a laugh. It was nice, so nice just to be able to feel normal with his best friend. With you. Because who would Oikawa Toruu be without you?

“Now you can joke with me how bad Iwa-chan was in bed, okay ____-chan?” Oikawa mocked.

“Yeah, now would be a great time,” you coughed a laugh now.

“I’m still here, assholes,” Iwaizumi grumbled.

It was so nice to laugh with Oikawa. It was so nice to look at Iwaizumi’s mad face together, like no time has passed. This moment was just so nice, and it made you happy.

Oikawa turned to you, his tears falling but an awkward smile still on his face. He held out his hand as he knelt a bit taller. “Let’s go home, ____-chan.”

 _Your crying is still as ugly._ You wanted to joke so much. You wanted to make up for the times that could have been. But as you looked at Oikawa, it just made you want to cry even harder.

Oikawa Toruu was your best friend. That was something you wanted forever, even in your next life.

So it broke your heart that you couldn't be in love with him. Because Oikawa Toruu deserved a better love than this, a love that would never make him hurt like you hurt him.

“Toruu, I’m sorry,” you whimpered.

“Ha, ____-chan, it’s-”

You shook your head immediately then let it hang low. “I do love you. I really do love you, Toruu. I can’t imagine life without you, I know college is going to fucking suck… But I… I-”

Suddenly Oikawa’s lips were lightly against your forehead.

You shot your head up to see him have half a smile.

“____-chan, I’m in love with you. And I probably don't know how to not be in love with you,” you whimpered at his reply. Oikawa cupped your cheek with a pained smile. His tears kept falling, but this strangely felt… Okay. “But we all knew you had to choose one of us. And I’ve always known that it wasn't going to be me.”

“Toruu, I-”

“But that didn't mean we weren't going to be friends,” Oikawa said. “I’m sorry it took me this long to realize that, ____-chan. I’m so in love with you, I got too selfish. But… I always want you to be happy. I don't want you to be this. And… I’m sorry I did this to you. I should have done what was best for all of us and…”

Oikawa stood up with his hand still out. You took it, wiping your face as you stood. His hand was so much bigger than yours. It was warm and calloused, but it was Toruu. And everything about Toruu was you.

This was the first time you two smiled together.

“I should have helped you with Iwa-chan, since we both know what a big idiot he is,” Oikawa smirked. It was so nice to laugh with your best friend.

“I’m about ready to kick your ass, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi grumbled even louder.

“We just got back to being okay, and you're going to treat me like that, Iwa-chan?! I won’t allow this! ____-chan, handle him!” Oikawa cried, grasping onto your shoulders as he hid behind you.

Your laugh rang across the gym. “You do realize I’m shorter than you, Toruu? Haji could just push me out the way and-”

That was what Iwaizumi did. He grabbed your shoulder and pulled Oikawa away from you. Oikawa’s screech was natural, nothing forced. And as Iwaizumi brought Oikawa’s head into a headlock, you swore your heart became three times bigger.

The troubles over the past few months just went away, as if it was a lifetime ago. People usually had a hard time letting go. They would want to argue, kick and fuss…

But you three were different. You were just so happy to have everything back to normal.

~ 

“So, what did you want to tell me?”

Iwaizumi and you looked to Oikawa as you walked home together in the night. After the two had finished bickering, the three of you cleaned up the gym and closed it behind. It was emotional for the two, even a little for you. This was their last game, the last time you would get to support them for high school. It all just reminded you this was your last year together.

“Oh right,” Iwaizumi answered as he rubbed the back of his neck.

It was obvious Oikawa caught your frown when he nudged you with his elbow.

“You’re still sad about everything, ____-chan? C’mon, if we got through this, I’m sure Iwa-chan’s news isn’t so bad,” Oikawa insisted.

Usually Oikawa’s right, but this one… Iwaizumi not going to college with him like they looked forward to? It was hard for you to even stomach.

Oikawa turned to Iwaizumi, who flinched at his smile. “So? Iwa-chan, what’s up?”

“Oh right, uh…” Iwaizumi took a deep breath then dropped his arm as he faced Oikawa. “I’m not gonna attend college… With you.”

Oikawa didn't have much of a reaction. He mumbled a quiet “oh” then averted his eyes. You didn't count how long there was silence between you three. Just the voice of the wind blowing into your hair and dancing by your ear. It was nice, smoother than waiting for your friends.

“That’s all, Iwa-chan?”

“Huh?” you and Iwaizumi blurted out.

Oikawa looked back and forth between you two as if you two were the dumb ones. He shrugged. “With everything that happened and knowing Iwa-chan, you didn't expect this, ____-chan?”

“I mean, well…” You thought back to when Iwaizumi told you. It was hard to say, considering you were having an emotional outburst and Iwaizumi confessed his college plans. But looking back… “Wow, yeah. I guess?”

“You’re not mad?” Iwaizumi hesitated. He grew annoyed when Oikawa tried to hold back a laugh but then it blubbered out loud.

“No, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa confirmed as he began to relax. “It sucks that we won’t be playing together, but if you think about it, we’ll get to play against each other.”

Oikawa’s answer surprised the both of you. But what surprised the most to you was to see a new fire light in both their eyes. A new beginning.

If they weren’t dwelling on their old life coming to an end, why shouldn't you look forward to a new life as well?

You looped your arms around Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s arms, one on each of your sides. Together the three of you began to walk home, the two looking at you bewildered as you smiled brightly. It was nice to smile this happily again.

“Uh, ____?” Iwaizumi called out.

Your smile hummed.

“You’re not sad about it?” Oikawa probed with a hesitant smile.

“Well, we’re all going our separate ways, so yeah it makes me sad,” you ruled your head to each of them. “But seeing you two look forward to vesting each other in a game, I wasn’t sad anymore.”

“Huh, wonder why?” Iwaizumi chuckled. Oikawa nodded with agreement.

Your lips hummed as you pondered. “Maybe because you guys aren't afraid to be separated, I’m not anymore?”

“That’s all it took?” Oikawa asked surprised.

“Hey!” you blurred as you shoved Oikawa with yours and Iwaizumi’s weight. Iwaizumi yelped when you suddenly pulled him along, but he laughed. He laughed so naturally, he couldn't help but be happy.

“Hey, hey! I’m being serious!” Oikawa laughed.

It was nice to hear his and Iwaizumi’s laugh ring together. It made your cheeks hurt to smile in such a long time.

“Well, think about it. I’ve always looked to you two for _something_ , you know? But that was the problem for me, I never looked for that something inside of me,” you answered with such a soft voice.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi turned to you as you all headed down the street. Your answer confused them, because…

“I always watched you two, be your own persons. I worried about you two and got so attached that I forgot about myself. I depended on you two for happiness that I forgot I could make my own. So the thought of all of us going to different colleges freaked me out, because I wouldn't have you guys around. But, I realize now, this is my time to be happy on my own. Be happy for you guys, you know?” you explained with a gleam.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi became surprised then looked at each other. They didn't answer you, because they were having their own conversation.

“Hello?” you asked with a pout.

The two kept staring at each other and thought back together. They thought back to all the times you were your own person. Neither of them asked you to ever come by their houses to cheer them up, you were caring for them all your own. Iwaizumi and Oikawa never told you plan their days when you all wanted to hang out, you took care of them without a need to. The two of them definitely didn't ask for you to stand up to guys twice your size with sassy remarks when either of them didn't bother. You were brave all your own.

“Idiot,” Oikawa and Iwaizumi commented simultaneously.

“Huh?! Why me?!” you exclaimed.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi looked to each other with a smirk. It was nice for them too to have these conversations between each other. Because they knew.

They knew you were your own person for them, and that's okay. You wouldn't be who you were without Oikawa Toruu or Iwaizumi Hajime. And neither would they.

“Hello?! Are you guys going to keep ignoring me?!” you complained loudly. You even stomped your feet and stayed in place as the two walked away. “Hey! Toruu! Haji! Oh c’mon, why am I an idiot?!”

“C’mon ____-chan! My Mom has dinner waiting for us!” Oikawa called with a wave of his hand.

“Huh? Really?”

“Yeah. She missed you guys as much as I have, I guess,” Oikawa replied with a small turn.

Iwaizumi snorted. “Wow, never thought you’d admit that.”

“S-Shut up, Iwa-chan! You’re one to talk! You thought I would get mad we weren't going to the same college! What, you were going to miss me that much, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa boasted with a high nose.

Their bickering was like magic sprinkles next to your ear. It was strange, but it was nice. Seeing their backs to you as they walked looked nice. You could stay here watching them happily for as long as you wanted.

But you wanted to be next to them more than anything. Forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't think it's over yet... ಥ‿ಥ


End file.
